I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
