Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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