I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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