Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
