I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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