so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize