the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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