Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
