So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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