I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
