Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize