This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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