As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
