he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
