I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
