Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
