I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize