dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
