I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize