im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
