my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
