Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
