I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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