my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize