drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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