Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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