Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
