she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
