what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize