He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
as a side note pls kill me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
