y did u give ur computer a hand job?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
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