We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
