The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
