There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
