She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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