What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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