How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
