I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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