she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize