honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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