I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
