Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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