And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
