now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you never un-have a 4some
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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