Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
