you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize