Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize