this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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