I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
