Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
