How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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