Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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