I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
