I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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