Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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