Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
