Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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