I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize