My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
