he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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