I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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