You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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