Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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