Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
