I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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