it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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