he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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