Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
