why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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