How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
