she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
