Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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