He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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