sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
