There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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