I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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