Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
