Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
