I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
