Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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