Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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