mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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