next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
