I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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