do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
