you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
