Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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