like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
