well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
