That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
