proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
