'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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