I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
