My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
