Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
